DATING IS HARD


Happy February, lovers!

In just a few days, one of the most dreaded holidays of the year will be back like it never left - that's right, Valentine's Day. Ah, the fanfare. The pressured dinner reservations, cheesy greeting cards and unsavory, overpriced boxes of chocolate.


If you're thinking that this post is a bitter, "bah humbug" ode to Saint Valentine, you're actually wrong.


When it comes to Valentine's Day, I'm often indifferent. I wake up and treat it like any other day, business as usual. To be honest, I cannot even bring myself to remember what I did last year - and as I think about it, it's probably because I'm normally always single on this cherished, fourteenth day of February.


I'm sure I'm not the only one either. Many of the most eligible bachelors and bachelorettes spend this holiday (and many other holidays) by their lonesome. Because...dating is hard!


In the olden days, the concept of dating was a lot more simple and sincere than it is now. Back then, when you met someone that you liked, you would actually date them. When I say date, I mean go out on dates (with an 's') with them. This process inspired conversations to commence, quality time and resulted in a true connection with your prospective partner. As time progressed, you went steady, courtship occurred and you all lived happily ever after...I wish it was still that easy.


In 2018:


Commitment is shunned. It's okay to date multiple people at the same time. One must jump hurdles to gain the title of "boyfriend" or "girlfriend". Netflix and Chill is considered a date. "Situationship" is actually an acknowledgeable term, as is, "it's complicated" for a relationship status. (And let's not even get started on marriage!)


It would be understated to say that it's hard out here in the dating world. Venturing out to find a lifetime companion is not a piece of cake, as it used to be. In contrast with the past, there are more options available for you to meet someone special. Nowadays, there are countless apps, websites and mixers designated for the singles who are ready to mingle, but it has come to be more complicated than convenient.


Looking for love is extremely complex for several reasons. You have to always look your best, probe for common interests, sell yourself, engage in hour-long conversations, always text back, share your food and hold in farts for months. All in hopes that you're not investing your time and energy in vain - it's exhausting.




So, let's get a broader perspective of why dating is such a struggle.

I reached out to a few of my single friends, male and female, to get the tea on why dating has been so hard for them. Ladies first, here's what they said:


LADIES:


"Finding someone who wants to be serious."


"Lack of consistency, getting a man to finish what he started."


"Having the commitment conversation, because you may scare him off and you spend years in an undefined relationship."


"Realizing that I don't actually like the person after investing energy into the process of getting to know them."


"Trust. All men lie, more than we do."


FELLAS:


"What kind of pizza they want."


"Finding the true value in the relationship."


"Unreasonable women. Women justify every vice they have but want a man to be a master of accountability, consideration and prudence. Women, for some reason seem to think as long as you don't cheat, then you're a good woman and he should be the perfect person based on that. They don't care to complement a man in any way but they're so pressed about the 'perfect man' and what he should or shouldn't do. Long story short, a lot of women are entitled hypocrites."


"Women say one thing and mean another."


"Getting dumped because I wasn't good enough or ambitious enough."


So, from the looks of it, it seems like most of the women take issue with men being "inconsistent, flawed, commitment phobes"...and the men take issue with women being "nit-picky and looking for perfection". It would be too easy to blame it on cause and effect, but it does make sense as to why both men and women have a commonality with these dating conflicts. I can't be biased, but I can understand the method to the madness on both sides.


Perhaps men are afraid or avoidant of being serious and committed because women tend to be "overly critical" and unaccepting. And maybe women come off as overcritical because they don't always receive what they give to men.



I believe most successful relationships depend on more compromise from the male, but that's how we've been conditioned. Things like "happy wife, happy life" or other timeless cliches or unspoken rules of society have made us think that we have to please the woman if we want anything to go our way.


Now granted, men do suck and a lot of us have terrible character, I see why women put themselves on that pedestal and expects the world to act accordingly. But some guys are good people and just want a woman to meet them halfway. Women have over extended themselves for so long with no return, that they feel it's only a man's job to do that.

This is such a fair outlook (thanks, Josh!). Simply put, women want reciprocity (not perfection) and men want acceptance and understanding. Because men and women give and receive love in different ways, we commonly misunderstand each other - and that looks to be the source of this familiar conflict.

Now, I'm no Dr. Phil, I don't have the answers. There are so many layers to dating, love and relationships that I don't have to brainpower to dissect. After assessing these common perspectives, I've gathered that compromising is a key ingredient to making a relationship work. Men and women should be willing to find a middle ground and figure out the rest from there. Nobody is perfect, nobody is going to have everything that you want - you just have to find the person whose flaws you are willing to accept. The perfectly, imperfect person for you :)


If you are single, or dating, I hope this post fine-tuned your perspective. I hope that you'll be encouraged to better understand the opposite sex and ultimately find what you are looking for.


Thanks for reading! 


✌❤






22 comments

  1. lmao at "i'm no Dr. Phil."

    If it's any consolation, I turned to the Mr. yesterday and asked "are we even celebrating Valentine's Day this year? do we still care?"

    🤷🏾‍♀️

    ReplyDelete
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    1. LOL, girl...I'm over it! But I will be looking for that half-off chocolate the day after though!

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