She was barely over five feet, with a delicate frame. Skin as smooth as satin, the color of coffee and cream. Her eyes were deep and warm, accented by stern, subtle brows. She was crowned with fine, coily curls and wore a smile that was as bright and welcoming as the sunrise.

Scents of citrus and Egyptian Musk preceded her.

Denim overalls and touches of black and silver adorned her body.
Her hugs permeated with love.
The stories she told brought comfort,
and her hearty laughter brought joy.

I was honored to call this amazing woman, "Mom"

If you've noticed that I'm referring to her in the tense of the past, its because she's no longer in our present. In August 2004, she packed her bags and took that journey down the road to eternal life. I was seventeen years old.

Looking back, I wish I could have known that she would only be with me for such a short span of time. If so, I would have used that time more wisely. I would have done more to make her proud. I would have stolen more hugs and kisses, I would have had more heart to hearts - and asked her all of the things that my future-self needed to know. I would have held our quality time further dear to my heart, and even willfully watched as many cheesy, Lifetime movies as she wanted.

But unfortunately, life doesn't give us a sneak peek into what the future will hold. So, I had to play the hand that I was dealt and continue on without her, the best way that I knew how.

Having lost her at such an impressionable age, I was struggling to find myself and go through the grieving process at the same time - it was tough. There were frequent dilemmas that I faced with dating, my education, finances, a career path, (how to season chicken) and so many other situations where I was in dire need of her wisdom and direction. In a time when most daughters were purging their mother's advice through one ear and out of the other - I had to rely on intuition and inwardly listen for her voice to guide me - all in hopes that I wasn't screwing up.

But through it all, I survised - and the reason is the phenomenal woman that is Beth Ann Jordan.

She raised four girls into women, by training us in the way we should go, and we did not depart from it! By her example, she taught us how to be strong and independent. She valued self-love and care. She showed us how to be givers, but not push-overs - lovers, but fighters when necessary, and she encouraged us to speak our minds - as a true Jersey girl does!

Over the years, I'm sure that she experienced overwhelming feelings of weariness and worried about the well-being of her children. I'm sure she felt underappreciated, considering that she spent years doing everything on her own. Maybe she had moments when she felt guilty or like she wasn't doing enough - but, she never let us down.

Beth Ann was the heart and soul of what a mother should be:

a nurturer,

a provider
a protector,
a corrector,
an encourager,
a confidant and a friend

...and she did a job well done!

I say all of this to say, I'm blessed to have had her for those seventeen years -  I had seventeen trips around the sun with the sunshine of my life and she was the! Our time together was short but our moments were never wasted.

She's been gone for some time, but she will always be missed. I still need her, I still have those urges to pick up the phone and have her make everything better, I still yearn for that infectious laugh of hers - but her spirit is never too far in the distance.

Motherhood has yet to come for me, but when it does, I believe I'll do just fine. I have the legacy of Beth Ann Jordan that brings me strength, faith, courage and wisdom to light my path.

Happy Mother's Day, Mommie! Forever will I honor you <3

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